We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
