Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize