he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
