Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
