I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Send help, water and tortillas.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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