would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
