had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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