grandma shit on top of the toilet
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
