You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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