Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
