my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
