Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just cut my nipple shaving
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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