I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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