This girl is more easily done than said...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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