i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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