it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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