I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
