fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
