If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
