Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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