Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
