idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You are a genius and a whore.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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