meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
