I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
