no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
