So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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