no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Enjoy the penises
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize