My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize