careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
