I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
