last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
