Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
