"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
