i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
