I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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