We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
