He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
