she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
