he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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