no, he came in my armpit
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
