Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
