there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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