Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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