I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
