My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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