I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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