I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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