Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
