his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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