Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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