I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
