I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
