I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
