If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
