she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
