That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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