she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
