she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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