Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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