i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
