In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
