I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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