3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish I only lived at night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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