Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
