sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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