This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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