I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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