Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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