her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
