Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drunk is not a location!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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