I got chris browned last night
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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