You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
