Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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