After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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