Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
