I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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