I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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