I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
