SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
