Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
