9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize