Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
