He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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