I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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