how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
