hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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