I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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