My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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