he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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