dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
