i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize