**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
