If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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