I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
