My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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