my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
