this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize