Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
