I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize