pop tarts are not kleenex
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
