All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
