I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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