Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
