Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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